One's In Afghanistan, One's In Iraq

We have two sons. They were born in 1973 and they've been a source of pride and joy since the two moments when they were born - ten minutes apart.

So how did it come to be that one is in Afghanistan and one is in Iraq?

Back when the boys were seniors in high school, we finally came to the realization that it was too late to start making financial plans for college. We had six kids and the strain financially had been enormous for years.

It's more complicated than this, but in a nutshell this was the crux of our difficulties. When Mr. Right came home from the Air Force he'd accrued enough seniority to walk back into one of the highest paying jobs in the mill where he worked. And everything in our lives was based on that high paying job - our house, our habits, and our family. But when an opportunity arose for him to take an apprenticeship that would lead to no more shift work, we couldn't let him pass it up. He hated shift work and so did I. The only problem was that his pay plummeted. Conversely, as his pay plummeted, the bills spiraled, and for years it was all we could do to keep our heads above water.

Now the kids were in high school or had just graduated and I had an archaic philosophy that was about to shape the lives of both our sons. The boys had to go to college no matter what, because some day they would have wives and families and they needed to support them properly. What about the girls? Well, someday they should have husbands with educations that would allow them to support their families. If the girls went to college, great! But it wasn't vital in my mind like it was vital for the boys to go. Although they were both talented athletes with good grades, there were no scholarships for talented athletes with good grades. Then one day they came home and said that there were scholarships available for boys with good characters. Bingo!

The Army turned out to be such a good fit for them. One of their first challenges was to compete for a medal that required weeks of practice and tests. One hundred young men from their unit started the challenge. Three finished. Two were our sons.

The next big challenge was Ranger school - a test of endurance so challenging that men had lost their lives during it's course. To successfully graduate, a soldier has to prove himself capable of operating effectively under conditions of extreme mental and physical stress. And that doesn't come close to describing the physical endurance requirements, the sleep deprivation, and the sustained austere conditions they endure plus all the ways they can fail including, at the conclusion of the hardest 61 days of their lives, when they can be peered out. In other words, someone in each unit, after all their sacrifice and effort, is voted out. Both boys proudly wear Ranger tabs on their left shoulders.

I was determined to write this post without sounding like I was bragging but it seems like everything I write is bragging. It's not. I'm just telling you how it is. The Army was a great fit for both of them.

They both have Bachelors and Masters degrees and have taken advantage of just about every training opportunity that the Army offers. They've lived in or trained in dozens of locations in the United States - many together for awhile - mostly separated lately.

They have the most beautiful families you could imagine. Loving wives who sacrifice so much while their husbands are away and then open their arms and lovingly, gratefully embrace them when they return. Their children are all awesome and part of the reason has to be that their dads were never satisfied to be less than an integral part of their lives. They both have fine homes in lovely neighborhoods and both have beautifully renovated every property they've ever owned. They're very important in their families.

And they're very important in their jobs. They do things that the normal citizen could not begin to fathom. And their careers so far have been stellar with promotions we could only have dreamed of and experiences unparalleled in a normal lifetime.

So when I write a post like this or like this, I'm trying to say that I'm sad that they're making such an enormous sacrifice in being deployed. But what I should also be saying is that I'm proud beyond measure of our amazing sons. I'm proud of what they do and how stoically and conscientiously they do it. And I'm proud that they embrace yet another difficult challenge with one thought - there's a job that needs to be done well and he's the man to do it.

And that's how it came to be that I'm baking cookies tonight and tomorrow I'll send one box to Afghanistan and one to Iraq.

Mommy

I'm very happy being 63. I'm blessed to be retired and I've got more things to keep me busy than I could keep up with in one lifetime. And I know that's a blessing too.

I love being a mother and a grandmother most of all. Of all the roles in my life, these are two of the most important.

Then it happened. I was going through a miscellaneous box in my bedroom and there was a small hand sewn pillow with flowers painted on it and some writing. It was very faded but I could read Happy Mother's Day Mommy. It caught me by surprise and it startled my heart a little bit. No wait.. A lot. Mommy. The sweetest word in the English language. And I was lucky enough to be Mommy to the six wonderful people that are my children. I was their mommy. They turned to me for every need - emotional and physical. It's been so long since I was called Mommy that I forgot what it was like until I saw that little pillow.

I love my role as mom but it can't compare to those beautiful, sweet days when I was Mommy.

You Capture - Love Around Your Home

I couldn't possibly do a post of things I love around my home without including the baby koi that we've invested so much time and effort into. The fact that I don't really love them that much anymore doesn't mean that I don't love the idea that we finally had that spawning that I was anticipating with such fervor. I could go on and on but I won't. I'll just include some of them.

Then, there's this grouping that I look at often. Like Beth, the birds represent for me little ones that I'll meet someday. The pictures were taken in younger days and show our big, little family when it was just getting launched.
And how could I post about things I love around the house without including my husband's balls.

They represent innumerable vacations, all over the country to places where our sons were stationed. And believe me, they've been around. Although, I haven't started golfing yet, I accompanied the golfers and took scads of pictures of the men in my life having the time of their lives. If Beth, ever does a You Capture featuring golfing photos, I'll be all set.

For more pictures of household treasures, visit Beth at Ishouldbefoldinglaundry. You'll find lots of beautiful photos and an invitation to participate.

Our Christmas House

It started on December 26th. We moved many of our Christmas decorations, all our cookies, my special very hearty beef barley soup and ourselves into the house our family rented for a week because it was big enough to accommodate everybody.

For one week, I saw a beautiful grandchild's face every time I turned around. I got to see one of my children and his or her spouse any time I wanted. I made ice cream cones every night. We took 14 of our grandchildren shopping so they could pick out their own presents. We feasted on Beth's tea ring every morning. One night I heard my sons laugh together for hours like I hadn't heard them laugh in years - a deep, hilarious belly laugh that makes me smile to remember it, sharing a bond that's been part of their lives since they were born. You can see how hard they're laughing in this picture:


We all went to lunch together. I watched my grandchildren play together and interact with cousins they hadn't seen for a year and I appreciated what wonderful children they all are. Despite the fact that two of the kids couldn't make it, for one week I was overwhelmed with happiness and joy. And, I got to talk with the new mommy in our family everyday while she kept us updated on our eighteenth grandchild's progress.

We may not get together as often as many families but when we do, it's complete and intense and lasts for a solid week and it doesn't get any better than that.

Then, suddenly, all too soon, it was over.

North South East and West

They've all left now. The wonderful, joyful feeling that I had on my last post is history now. No happy anticipation, no wonder that they're coming, and no looking forward to the next get together.

Granddaughter and her family are headed to the Detroit area. Little Baby Daughter and her family are headed to Louisville Kentucky. Firstborn Army son and his family are headed West to Colorado and Secondborn Army son and his family are headed East to DC. The house is empty and quiet. All that's left is tracking each one's progress home.

But there's something else. There are memories and pictures of brief, precious moments to reconnect with those wonderful, perfect grandchildren that we don't see often enough. And time spent with the children that we raised and loved and now miss everyday.

What a wonderful weekend it was.

It Really Doesn't Get Any Better Than This

Some of the family is here now. There are children around and grandchildren and a great grandchild. And there are more on the way. And my heart just swells with happiness that so many of us will be together for a couple of days. (Unfortunately not everybody could make it but I can't let that little bit of negativity take away from my happiness.)

So I'm puttering around trying to clear away every bit of clutter because we'll need all the room we can get. I'm planning lunch, cutting a canteloupe, looking forward to Beth, Ariel, and Racecar's arrival and thinking about where Second Born Army Guy and his family is right now. I'm thinking they have about 8 hours to go.

Then my wonderful grandson-in-law was dealing with a fussy baby who was really, really tired but only wanted his daddy to entertain him. He refused his paci, shut his eyes tight, and yelled. So I got a cup of water to dip the paci in and it worked! And my grandson-in-law, after putting Superbaby down for his nap said, "That water idea was brilliant".

Right after that, one of my Colorado Springs grandsons had trouble playing a game on Mr. Right's computer so we rebooted it, downloaded some updates, and it worked. I asked him how the game was working and my sweet grandson said, "Great!".

Then one of my 3-year-old namesakes came up and said, "Grandma, my hair!" I put her barrette back in place and she literally jumped with appreciation and said, "Yeah!".

Back to back to back I got to feel useful and helpful to people I love. And, I wonder if, when we reach a certain age, maybe somewhere in our sixties, we stop feeling quite as useful. And maybe that's what's wrong with getting old.

But a little while ago, I got to feel very useful and helpful. And my family is coming and my heart is light. If someone could bottle this feeling, they'd be the richest person in the world because it's pure happiness. In fact, if someone could bottle this feeling, everyone could feel like I feel right now.

And it really couldn't possibly get any better than that!

Mother's Day

Who could have foreseen it? Six beautiful children. I remember all the Mother's Days when our kids were young spent with my mother-in-law and my mom. What beautiful days those were. And I never thought ahead to the days when my family would spend Mother's Days with me. And it's a good thing too. Because I might have looked disappointed. I won't lie. I am taken aback at the way things have worked out. I never could have foreseen spending Mother's Day without a child in sight.

But it's happening and it's okay. I have one in San Francisco, the Detroit area, Louisville, Colorado Springs, Virginia, and Nebraska. Jobs, marriage, and the rare opportunity to just get away for a few days has caused this unusual scenario. So it gives me time to reflect on being the mother of these wonderful children. I read a letter in an advice column today from a mother to her children and it urges her children to tell her they love her now while she's alive. Later when they're at the cemetery is too late. She wants to hear it now. I thought there was a good message there but somehow it seems too sad and morose. Besides, I know my children love me. I know that despite the mistakes I've made (both real and imagined), they continue to be happy to have me for their mother. And that's why being the mother of six children that I adore and am proud of and the mother-in-law to all their spouses, grandmother to their children, and a great grandmother to one is enough.

This is what Mother's Day is about. It's a day to appreciate the incredible gift I've been given. No one's ever been given more.

I'm so very grateful for this day.