Yesterday I Put On My Big Girl Pants

Yesterday, I did two things that should help me move into a better frame of mind.

The first thing I did, was get my teeth cleaned. Okay, don't jump to conclusions. I get my teeth cleaned regularly.....now. But I didn't always. Back in the day, a trip to the dentist meant a toothache that even a mouthful of whiskey couldn't relieve and it always resulted in an extraction. There were no regular trips for cleaning and check-ups because we just didn't have the money for such extravagances. Maybe that's why I've always had such an aversion to the dentist.

Finally, years ago, I resolved that problem by paying for nitrous oxide (laughing gas, sweet air, i.e. euphoria) at every appointment. No, I'm not out there looking for a high (but I didn't mind getting one), and if it meant I could soldier through the dreaded dental appointment...well, I just did what I had to do.

Yesterday I got my teeth cleaned without a high! Wow! Go me! And, it wasn't bad at all. In fact, on some level it was less stressful than the usual nitrous visit, not to mention that I came away $56 richer.

The second thing I finally did was go to the Post Office where I used to work. I haven't been back since the day I walked out the door on sick leave - I had injured my back - at work - but never claimed it as a work-related injury because I was too sick of dealing with the insults and intimidation that resulted from any kind of claim against the Post Office.

When I left that day, I didn't know that the doctor would order me off work for thirty days, but when he did, I set the retirement wheels in motion. By the end of the month I was out of there permanently; and, just in time, because I honestly didn't think I could stand another day there. I wrote about my experiences a little bit here and in reading it over, I'm not surprised to see that I was relieved that I'd never have to walk into that place again.

But, for a year and a half I've allowed part of that job to hang over my head while I dreaded the trip back that I'd have to make. You see I had really good uniforms, coats, sweaters and wind breakers that I knew someone could make good use of if I'd just take them in. Not only was it a waste to have them here but they took up valuable space.

Yesterday, after my momentous trip to the dentist, I went to the post office and dropped off the clothes. What a relief! All the reminders are gone - except for that welcome little retirement check that I get every month - and I've made a big step forward.

I just can't believe I let it hang over me for so long.

Just like the teeth cleaning without nitrous, sometimes the dreading is much worse than the actual doing.

Why Do I Procrastinate?

A few years ago (I'm not saying how many) my dentist finished the work that was needed in my mouth. But he warned me. "If you start getting a deep dull ache above this tooth, come and see me because it will have to come out." So I did. That is I did get a deep dull ache...more intense all the time. And pain in my ear. And a bump on my gum above that tooth. Now after the visit where I got the warning, I continued my good mouth care. I got my teeth cleaned every six months, flossed and brushed regularly and felt good about myself. But once that deep, dull ache occurred, I added another facet to my regimen. I told myself that I had to make an appointment to see my dentist today...or when I'm off tomorrow....or as soon as the holidays are over or .... well, you get it. I procrastinated. I meant to do it. Really meant to. It was always on my mental "to do" list. But it never appeared on my mental "done" list.

Today it's on my "done" list. I went in, was put to sleep, and got two teeth pulled within a very short period of time. I'm home. I'm alive. And I'm relieved.

But I really want to know. What makes a procrastinator. We're not happy being procrastinators but still we are. I believe there's a certain psyche involved...a faulty way of thinking...or maybe a laziness. Maybe we're unrealistic about time and we can't see it as it slips away at ever increasing speeds. Or do we get stuck in the "now". Reading blogs, editing family pictures, or worst of all playing solitaire on the computer. And then on the way to work tomorrow we realize that we never did the thing that would have made us feel so much better in the long run. How could we have not done the most important thing??!!

It's such a mystery to me. Seriously. Can someone please tell me. Why do I procrastinate?