Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Yesterday I Put On My Big Girl Pants

Yesterday, I did two things that should help me move into a better frame of mind.

The first thing I did, was get my teeth cleaned. Okay, don't jump to conclusions. I get my teeth cleaned But I didn't always. Back in the day, a trip to the dentist meant a toothache that even a mouthful of whiskey couldn't relieve and it always resulted in an extraction. There were no regular trips for cleaning and check-ups because we just didn't have the money for such extravagances. Maybe that's why I've always had such an aversion to the dentist.

Finally, years ago, I resolved that problem by paying for nitrous oxide (laughing gas, sweet air, i.e. euphoria) at every appointment. No, I'm not out there looking for a high (but I didn't mind getting one), and if it meant I could soldier through the dreaded dental appointment...well, I just did what I had to do.

Yesterday I got my teeth cleaned without a high! Wow! Go me! And, it wasn't bad at all. In fact, on some level it was less stressful than the usual nitrous visit, not to mention that I came away $56 richer.

The second thing I finally did was go to the Post Office where I used to work. I haven't been back since the day I walked out the door on sick leave - I had injured my back - at work - but never claimed it as a work-related injury because I was too sick of dealing with the insults and intimidation that resulted from any kind of claim against the Post Office.

When I left that day, I didn't know that the doctor would order me off work for thirty days, but when he did, I set the retirement wheels in motion. By the end of the month I was out of there permanently; and, just in time, because I honestly didn't think I could stand another day there. I wrote about my experiences a little bit here and in reading it over, I'm not surprised to see that I was relieved that I'd never have to walk into that place again.

But, for a year and a half I've allowed part of that job to hang over my head while I dreaded the trip back that I'd have to make. You see I had really good uniforms, coats, sweaters and wind breakers that I knew someone could make good use of if I'd just take them in. Not only was it a waste to have them here but they took up valuable space.

Yesterday, after my momentous trip to the dentist, I went to the post office and dropped off the clothes. What a relief! All the reminders are gone - except for that welcome little retirement check that I get every month - and I've made a big step forward.

I just can't believe I let it hang over me for so long.

Just like the teeth cleaning without nitrous, sometimes the dreading is much worse than the actual doing.


  1. wow, two brave things! Way to go! I would love to hear just how that short little visit to the post office went. How did they act??? Are you saving this for another post????

  2. I never read your retirement post before. It really sounds like a miserable place. We've never met in person, but I feel like I have a very good sense for the kind of person you are from having read so many of your other posts, Beth's posts about you, and all the nice comments you leave on my blog. It must have been really, really bad for you to be so unhappy there. I'm glad you got out. And having the courage to finally go back is awesome. That you would even want to go back and return those things in itself speaks volumes about the kind of person you are. I imagine you do feel almost cleansed. :-)


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