True Confessions Tuesday - A Doozie

I haven't been around for awhile and it shows - everywhere. This is the post I promised myself every week that I would write. This is the one that every week I've been incapable of writing. And this is the post that every week that I don't write it, it gets worse. Yes this is the one where I confess to myself and everybody else that I've gained 20.2 pounds since my last Weight Watchers weigh in on December 20th. Here's how it happened. (Notice I say it happened - not that I did it. It just happened. Hmmm That might be indicative of part of the problem right there.)

On December 20th I was ill with an upper respiratory type infection. I'd been on antibiotics for a week or so and as soon as I got off, I quickly became symptomatic again. So I called my doctor and was put on another antibiotic - this one a 10 day regimen. As Christmas week approached, I didn't feel like I was getting better and by the day after Christmas (when our whole family gathers at a large rented house for the week), I felt like I was getting decidedly worse. By the 27th, I felt absolutely terrible which is the description I gave my doctor along with a list of a few other disturbing symptoms. He told me that the medication I was on could cause kidney problems and I think that's exactly what happened. He switched antibiotics and I very slowly started to recover.

But although, I had a few ups along with my downs during that week between Christmas and New Years, I never felt good. And something happened to my psyche. I had intended to indulge a little that week - stay up late, drink a little wine, and eat a little carelessly. As it turned out, I couldn't stay up past 9 or 10 and I couldn't eat or drink much of anything - much less alcohol. So I guess I felt.....deprived? Gypped?

It was literally weeks before I started to really feel like myself again. And during that time, as I'm prone to do, I comforted myself with food. At first I told myself that since I didn't get to indulge during Christmas week, I owed it to myself to indulge afterward. Then came the part where I aided my recovery with lots of food and no exercise - none. The more I ate and the less I exercised the worse I felt and everything spiraled out of control. Whew!

Now I'm hoping to claw my way out of this dark place and start again. The first step was realizing that I wasn't going to wake up inspired one day and want to diet and exercise. The next step was admitting to myself that it wouldn't be easy but it had to be done. The third step will be joining the new 6 week couples challenge at the Sisterhood with my daughter. There are lots more steps to come - both literally and figuratively speaking; and I intend to take them all - one at a time.

A final note. I read in a magazine a few weeks ago that people who gain 14 pounds in a month by eating more and not exercising were still up nearly 7 pounds 30 months later despite going back to their earlier healthier habits. According to the article, researchers believe that gains have long lasting effects because fluctuations may cause the body to find a new set point for its normal weight. That's the bad news and I'll just have to do my best to make myself an exception. The good news was that someone had gained tons of weight in short periods of time before. I'm not the only one and somehow that was a relief.

Now I'm going to create my list of disciplines, shop for healthier foods, and start all over again. I'm hoping that becoming fit is a little like stopping smoking. It took me two or three false starts before it became permanent. Maybe I've finally used up my fitness and weight loss false starts and I'm ready to make a permanent change. I fervently hope so.