To Streak or Not To Streak

On July 9th I joined a group whose goal was to run (or walk) at least a mile every day with the premise being that you can always find time to do at least a mile if you just let go of the reasons to skip it.

Prior to joining this group, I had walked 20 days in March, 16 days in April, 0 days in May, 0 days in June, and 2 days in July.  It's easy to see that I started out pretty motivated and I was even able to carry a lot of that motivation into April, but when travel and other focuses got in the way, I let it go completely.  I never forgot that I should keep moving hence the two days I walked in July prior to streaking but it was easy to let other things get in the way of what I knew I should be doing.

But starting on July 9th, I completely embraced the premise of the streak.  You can always find time for a mile.  And I always did.  A couple of times I forgot until late in the evening but always remembered in time to get it in.  When I was sick (really sick) I hated it, but I managed to trudge at least a mile every day and when I felt better, I was glad that I'd persevered.  One night we were at Four Winds Casino and wonder-of-wonders we were both winning.  But I hadn't walked yet so we cashed out just in time to get that walk in (and actually brought home a little money for a change).  My son-in-law while driving from the Des Moines, Iowa area to Indiana stopped at a Wal-Mart and walked in the parking lot until he had his mile in.  Where there's a will, there's a way.

I started getting up in the morning and thinking about when the best time to get my walk in would be.  And it became not only motivating in itself, but I've started to see tiny little tangible results.

It wasn't results like that that I was looking for when I started.  I really tried to keep walking because I believe that as we get older, if we don't keep moving, we soon won't be able to move.  I suspect that one of the secrets to longevity is to keep active.  And even if I'm wrong, the years that I do live will be better years if I'm able to keep moving.

And now there's a brand new focus for us streakers.  We're going to try to walk to Kandahar where Dan (my son) and his battalion are currently deployed.  And I'm looking for team members.  You don't have to walk to Dan or his battalion.  There are lots of guys over there you can focus on or you can focus on all soldiers and every time you walk you can picture yourself meeting them halfway or part way or all the way and returning stateside with them.

Ideally we'll get far enough so that when they're on their way home, we'll all walk as far was we need to (within reason) to meet them at their house.  We're looking at finishing this streak sometime in January or February if we're lucky but maybe a little later if we're not.  (It depends on when they re-deploy.)

I hope I can get a lot of people to join me because we're going to need to cover a lot of miles.

And I realize there are more difficulties for some people than others.  I'm lucky to have a treadmill so not only can I walk no matter what the weather conditions but I can clearly see my distance which I then log into my computer.  I'm lucky that I have a pretty good history of walking so a mile wasn't a problem for me.  All I had to do was convince myself that I could do it every single day.  Right now I'm trying to shout out to everybody but most particularly to our friends and relatives who are about our age and haven't done any walking and don't have a treadmill.

How about this - walk around the block when it's fine outside and mall walking when it isn't.  Or how about walking around your house until you log at least a tenth of a mile (about 250 steps) - every day.  Or a quarter of a mile when it gets more comfortable for you.  Those tenths and quarters will really add up if enough of us do it.

And if you really truly can't do it every day, give us what you can do.  If you were able to go out on Wednesday and walk 2 miles but that's it, we'll gladly take your two miles.  I encourage streaking because it worked so well for me but that doesn't mean it will work for everybody.  If you're a new walker or runner, give the streak a try.  You might be surprised.  But for some of our more experienced movers who go to the gym a few times a week to #getyourmoveon, please share your miles.  We need them.  So if you're just trying out this walking thing and daily is really overwhelming, we'll happily take what you manage to do every other day or a few times a week.

Just turn in your distances to me and I'll tally them and share our totals with other team leaders.  You can email me (maryhibner@comcast.net), call me (219 879-3008), or leave your weekly totals on Facebook - just be sure to tag me.  Our current streak started on the 4th of July (I was late starting) and ends on Labor Day.  That means this streak or distance tallying will start on September 3rd.

So come on and join us.  You know you always meant to get your move on.  Can you think of a better time to start?!!!

I've Been Everywhere.....Except On My Blog

I took this title from a Johnny Cash song and I'll admit I haven't been as everywhere as he was in the song but I've definitely been around.  Just not around here.

I'm going to document where I've been because years from now (actually probably hours from now) I'll have trouble remembering the sequence of events.  Thank goodness I take lots of pictures to help me keep things sorted out.

I have to start out by talking a little bit about Sarah.  She has had such a struggle lately.  She was diagnosed and treated for rheumatoid arthritis many years ago.  She eventually went into remission but back in about December some symptoms started to flare up again.  Sarah being Sarah, tried to keep on keeping on.  But, finally she went to her mostly absent rheumatologist (in six years she only saw him 3 times - the rest of the visits were with his PA).  Since she was running a fever, they didn't want to start her back on biologics (like Embrel and Humira) so they prescribed steroids.

To keep it short, she has battled joint, muscle, and bone pain, fever, sore throat, and a myriad of odd symptoms for the last six months.  And she has seen an equal number of specialists who were unable to make a diagnosis.  Finally one of these doctors suggested Cleveland Clinic.  And that's where I came in.

I had been pushing Mayo Clinic (and Cleveland Clinic is very similar) for several months and promising every bit of help possible if she would only go.  The day she called and asked if I was serious, was a happy day for me.   If I could take her to her appointment, Mike could take care of the home, the kids, and his job.

That's how it happened that on May 19th, I left for Cleveland.  I stayed in a motel that night and picked Sarah up at the airport on the 20th in time for her appointment.  She met with a wonderful doctor there who was dismayed at the steroids that had been prescribed for her.  Unfortunately, they masked some symptoms and created others so he sent her home with a schedule to wean from them and to come back and be admitted a few weeks later.

That night we drove to Louisville and I stayed until the 22nd, spent one night at home, and Harry and I left for Colorado Springs the next day.

Although we love visiting Dan and Teresa and the kids, this was one of those visits with a melancholy overtone.  The reason we desperately wanted to get out there was that Dan was leaving for Afghanistan soon and we knew it would be some time before we'd see him again.

We arrived in Colorado Springs on the 24th and stayed through Memorial Day.  What a wonderful visit it was.  The only downsides were his pending deployment and a problem I was having with my eyes.  Although I was happy to finally go to a driving range and putting green in anticipation of actually hitting the golf course some day, by the second day outdoors, my eye was killing me.  Since I'm almost a doctor (in my mind) I treated it with some old eye antibiotics and it seemed to improve.  More about that in another post.

We left Colorado Springs on the 28th, spent some time in Omaha with Lori and the kids, and arrived home on the 29th.

On the 31st we left again for Louisville.  Although it was only a stop on our way to our new destination of Virginia, we just had to look in on Sarah who was still struggling with all her undiagnosed symptoms.

The reason we were going to Virginia was to stay with Dave and Patty's kids while they attended Battalion Commander and Battalion Commander's Wife schools in Ft. Leavenworth, Kansas.  We did the same thing for Dan and Teresa last year while they attended their respective schools and we always felt happy and honored to be able to help out for such an awesome cause.

We arrived at Dave and Patty's on the 1st of June and after a wonderful week with the kids, headed home on the 8th.

We were home that evening which was good because Amber and Chris and their little ones visited but early on the 9th, I was on my way again to Cleveland.  I picked Sarah up at the airport and we checked into the Cleveland Clinic Guesthouse hotel.

On the 10th, she was admitted to the hospital for a barrage of tests and most importantly a diagnosis and treatment plan.  On the 13th, she was released from the hospital with no definite diagnosis but with a plan for treatment of her inflammatory arthritis symptoms.  I stayed until the 15th and was home until early on the 23rd when I picked up Sarah in Louisville and we drove back to Cleveland for her follow-up appointment on the 24th.

After the appointment we drove back to Louisville and I stayed until the 30th.  I didn't need to stay that long but I just couldn't leave without lending a hand to a couple of wonderful kids (Sarah and Mike) who'd had a pretty rough time of it for quite a while.

So you see, I've been around.  Each of these trips deserves a post of its own and that's what I'll do; but for now I just wanted to sort out the dates and the miles.

The most important thing about this post, though, is that Sarah is feeling a little better.  She has begun a new treatment plan and there are some good signs.  The fever seems to be gone and lots of the little symptoms are better or gone.  Some of the big symptoms seem a little better too so some of my prayers are answered.

The rest of my prayers are for Dan's safety and the safety of his entire battalion during their work in Afghanistan; and, a complete recovery for Sarah. 

Patricia Jo

Saturday, our daughter-in-law Patty celebrated her birthday with her mom and children in the Washington DC area. That's where she teaches and her husband and our son is stationed. Right now, though, Dave is deployed in Afghanistan and Patty is 'holding down the fort'. As usual, I've sprinkled pictures throughout this post that may or may not fit the interview. But each one shows something about this beautiful person.


In keeping with tradition, I interviewed her over the weekend via email. Here's what she had to say:

What did you do on your birthday?
I spent the morning with 6 eight or nine year old boys because Matthew had his birthday sleepover from Friday to Saturday. I also went out to eat with my kids and watched David's basketball team win the league championship!
What's the secret to managing your very full schedule?
I just take one day at a time and the older kids are good at helping out.

Your schedule is insane when everything's normal. How in the world do you cope now that Dave is deployed?
My mother is a huge help in transporting kids to activities. I counted up that the older three are involved in seven extracurricular activities - scary!

What are your goals career-wise?
I love my job as an instructional coach, but it is more time away from the kids. I am toying with the idea of going back to being a reading teacher just to be closer to home.
As an Army wife, you've lived in a lot of locations. Which is your favorite?
Weather-wise - South Carolina. Experience-wise - Tennessee

What's your idea of an ideal vacation?
Right now - warm weather, beaches, spas

You're very athletic and sports oriented. You were on three teams that went to the state finals in Volleyball and two of them won the state championship. You also played college volleyball until an injury sidelined you. What are your feelings about such a sports oriented youth and do you recommend it for your kids?

I learned so much about life from playing sports and I definitely encourage it for my kids. Part of the reason I am a taxi-driver from 4:30 - 9:00 every evening is that I feel like my kids are too young to specialize in a sport. They need the experience of trying many new things out.

Patty and her father-in-law warming up for a round of golf.

Patty and Dave

What are you looking forward to in the coming year?
Continuing to watch my children grow and taking the time to focus on me - exercise is a big priority. And, of course, the end of Dave's deployment and having our family together again.

What other interesting things might I include about you?
ummmm.. I'm a Grey's Anatomy junkie, even though I have this entire season on DVR right now because I haven't had time to watch it. Other than that, I'm not very interesting.

I loved Patty's interview answers but she's wrong about one thing. She is very interesting. She has many interests and she's one of the kindest and sweetest people I've ever met.

With the patience of Job and the wisdom of Solomon, she's a perfect fit working with children in her career but more importantly as a mom to her beautiful children.

Eli being anointed by his new Godmother at his baptism

But she doesn't just shine in the world of children. She's sweet, understanding, modest, conscientious and hard working. Loving to everyone - friends, family, children, animals, and the population in general she, in turn, is loved by all.

So, Patty, I hope you had a very happy birthday. We're so blessed to have you in our family.

One's In Afghanistan, One's In Iraq

We have two sons. They were born in 1973 and they've been a source of pride and joy since the two moments when they were born - ten minutes apart.

So how did it come to be that one is in Afghanistan and one is in Iraq?

Back when the boys were seniors in high school, we finally came to the realization that it was too late to start making financial plans for college. We had six kids and the strain financially had been enormous for years.

It's more complicated than this, but in a nutshell this was the crux of our difficulties. When Mr. Right came home from the Air Force he'd accrued enough seniority to walk back into one of the highest paying jobs in the mill where he worked. And everything in our lives was based on that high paying job - our house, our habits, and our family. But when an opportunity arose for him to take an apprenticeship that would lead to no more shift work, we couldn't let him pass it up. He hated shift work and so did I. The only problem was that his pay plummeted. Conversely, as his pay plummeted, the bills spiraled, and for years it was all we could do to keep our heads above water.

Now the kids were in high school or had just graduated and I had an archaic philosophy that was about to shape the lives of both our sons. The boys had to go to college no matter what, because some day they would have wives and families and they needed to support them properly. What about the girls? Well, someday they should have husbands with educations that would allow them to support their families. If the girls went to college, great! But it wasn't vital in my mind like it was vital for the boys to go. Although they were both talented athletes with good grades, there were no scholarships for talented athletes with good grades. Then one day they came home and said that there were scholarships available for boys with good characters. Bingo!

The Army turned out to be such a good fit for them. One of their first challenges was to compete for a medal that required weeks of practice and tests. One hundred young men from their unit started the challenge. Three finished. Two were our sons.

The next big challenge was Ranger school - a test of endurance so challenging that men had lost their lives during it's course. To successfully graduate, a soldier has to prove himself capable of operating effectively under conditions of extreme mental and physical stress. And that doesn't come close to describing the physical endurance requirements, the sleep deprivation, and the sustained austere conditions they endure plus all the ways they can fail including, at the conclusion of the hardest 61 days of their lives, when they can be peered out. In other words, someone in each unit, after all their sacrifice and effort, is voted out. Both boys proudly wear Ranger tabs on their left shoulders.

I was determined to write this post without sounding like I was bragging but it seems like everything I write is bragging. It's not. I'm just telling you how it is. The Army was a great fit for both of them.

They both have Bachelors and Masters degrees and have taken advantage of just about every training opportunity that the Army offers. They've lived in or trained in dozens of locations in the United States - many together for awhile - mostly separated lately.

They have the most beautiful families you could imagine. Loving wives who sacrifice so much while their husbands are away and then open their arms and lovingly, gratefully embrace them when they return. Their children are all awesome and part of the reason has to be that their dads were never satisfied to be less than an integral part of their lives. They both have fine homes in lovely neighborhoods and both have beautifully renovated every property they've ever owned. They're very important in their families.

And they're very important in their jobs. They do things that the normal citizen could not begin to fathom. And their careers so far have been stellar with promotions we could only have dreamed of and experiences unparalleled in a normal lifetime.

So when I write a post like this or like this, I'm trying to say that I'm sad that they're making such an enormous sacrifice in being deployed. But what I should also be saying is that I'm proud beyond measure of our amazing sons. I'm proud of what they do and how stoically and conscientiously they do it. And I'm proud that they embrace yet another difficult challenge with one thought - there's a job that needs to be done well and he's the man to do it.

And that's how it came to be that I'm baking cookies tonight and tomorrow I'll send one box to Afghanistan and one to Iraq.

He's Leaving Soon - Part 2

On March 17th of last year, I wrote this post where I described how it felt to have my firstborn Army son on the brink of a long deployment in an unfriendly country. Just now, my mood should be lifting. Things should be starting to feel better because we're within a couple of months of that deployment ending and he'll be returning to his home and mostly importantly his family.

But my mood remains somber. My mind stays unfocused and unmotivated because once again a sad pall blankets every waking moment because now, second born (by ten minutes) Army son is about to begin a long deployment in an even more unfriendly land.

Being a parent is a surprising journey and, where we're at at my age, looks a lot different than where our parents appeared to be at this age. We hear about clingy parents and we try not to be them. But here's how the world turns. We love and need these kids just as much as we did when they were twelve. But, they move on and they cling to their wives and their children and the lives that they've built for themselves. They love us, they do wonderful things for us, and they're the best kids anybody could ask for, but their focuses change. And that's how we want it.

We aren't foolish enough to wish to keep our kids by our sides for the rest of our lives because what we want for them doesn't involve us. We want their happiness and we're glad when they have beautiful, loving wives and children that they love and are proud of. If all our children are truly happy, then nothing can shake our happiness. There's nothing we want more.

And maybe that's why these deployments are so hard for me. I'm heartbroken when I think of either of my sons away from his family and the home life that he loves so much. I'm comforted knowing that he's playing a vital role in our nation's security and I really do feel better knowing that he appreciates how important it is that he does what he does. But in my heart of hearts, I want my sons in a safe and happy place. And I want their wives happy and unworried and not frazzled by the overwhelming responsibility of running households by themselves. And most of all, I want my grandchildren to see their daddies everyday. I want my sons there to guide them, care for them, and be closely involved in their lives.

But just like in many situations in life, when your sons are in the military, you don't always get what you want. So your heart hurts when they have to be away.

And then, you get the worry. I'm not foolish enough to think that anyone is 100% safe anywhere. But I know there aren't many more dangerous situations than those where there's a cash reward for taking my son's life. The fear becomes a way of life for me. I'm sure I need more faith and maybe these deployments will help me find that, but right now, I worry.

And right now, life isn't the way it should be. Right now, I'm unmotivated, unhappy, and unfocused. Everything that's usually important is cloaked in shades of gray. All the activities that typically fuel my life have become unimportant. I can't shake the melancholy and for weeks I've blamed it on the weather, my recent illness, and maybe just laziness but I finally have to acknowledge that the cloud hanging over my life is yet another deployment.

And that's why, once again, I'm so indescribably sad.

An E-mail From Iraq

I sent Dan an email, really? Was it yesterday? I thought it was at least two days ago - maybe even a little more. But I just double-checked and, no, it was just about 24 hours ago. So for that 72 hours since yesterday at this time, he's been even more on my mind than usual though that doesn't really seem possible.

I get pretty anxious for that reply but I don't want him to feel that the minute he hears from me, he has to answer. And I try not to write back immediately because I don't want him to feel that he owes me a reply all the time. I want him to be as relaxed as possible with no pressure from me.

So I hold off writing for at least a day (although now I wonder if it's only an hour since where Iraq is concerned, time is so skewed for me). Once I write to him, I start anticipating.

And then he writes.

I wish I could describe the emotion that I feel because it's overpowering. I feel choked up with happiness that I heard from him. I'm grateful that he sent his address and that he actually told me a couple of things we could send him - chocolate of any kind and a soft, heavy blanket. Oh how I love that he told me that.

And then he includes a little bit of Dan humor at the end and it makes me so nostalgic. It's always subtle and it's always funny.

And he tells us that conditions are pretty bad but he's been in worse and I muse, "does he mean during the invasion? probably". So I know it's pretty not great there but he adds that he's really busy and that's good because time goes faster. He's looking at the bright side but I'm starting to resent that my son has to wish for time to go faster. This is his life.

But before I get too resentful, I think about how proud I am of what he and his brother do and how much pride they take in their jobs. They know how important they are even if not everyone else does. And the jobs have to be done. So I'm also proud that they step up. They don't just put in the time - they work hard and they work well.

So it's a happy woman writing this post. And guess what? Only about 11 months and 3 days to go.

So Many

I wrote a post the other day about my overwhelming sadness that my son was going to go to a combat zone for a year. I couldn't bear the thought of him being away from his family for so long and I couldn't bear that he was going to a dangerous place.

Beth tweeted about it and wrote about it and mentioned my post in her post.

Since then, there have been so many comments, so many comforting words, and so many good wishes. From so many people in the same boat or even worse boats and from so many people that just appreciate what he does and feel empathy for the impact it has on him and his family.

Don't get me wrong. I am still indescribably sad to have him over there but my heart is comforted by the words of so many.

So many people offered virtual "hugs" and I felt like I could feel them. They offered prayers and those prayers became my prayers. And they offered love and my heart was filled with love. They reminded me of how proud I can be of my son and his values. And expressed gratitude for what he and so many other men do for us and our country. And, most of all, one after another, let me know that they were thinking warm and loving thoughts of our family right now. And I felt them all.

After a very long trip, he arrived there about five hours ago and as Amy T said in her comment, "Big hugs and allow yourself to be sad at first, than throw all that sadness out the window and focus all your energy on care packages and letters and love for your soldier! Thank you to your son for defending our freedoms" And I have to say that Amy T nailed it. She expressed everything I knew but forgot to think about and more.

But that doesn't take away from the reminders of faith and prayerful good wishes of everybody else.

I doubt that very few could know what an impact your comments had - not just on me but on our entire family.

So thank you to everyone that thought of us or commented or said a prayer. But I have bad news. I think we're going to have to do this again soon. When, over the phone, I cried on the shoulder of second born Army son (firstborn's identical twin), and told him that he better not be going anywhere, he reluctantly told me that he would be leaving for Afghanistan this summer or just before Christmas.

I hope you'll all hover nearby because I (and my entire family) am going to need you sorely when there are two of them deployed. Then I'll really have something to cry about.

It reminds me of my dad when I was little. He'd think my crying over some small thing was uncalled for and would often say, "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about".

When the day comes that they're both deployed, I'll go back over the comments that you've left on that post and I'll think about the wise, supportive, comforting words of such a multitude of beautiful people. And I'll be comforted.

And I'll thank you all from the bottom of my heart once again.

He's Leaving Soon

I have been gripped by melancholy, depression, frustration, and fear. It's consumed my mind every day and these emotions have intensified exponentially as his departure date approaches.

There are happy things that should distract my mind from his departure. like Beth's baby; but my soul is still consumed with the sadness.

I could dissolve in tears at the drop of a hat - at the mention of his leaving. I pray constantly for his safety and I feel his resolve to do the tour to the best of his ability and as safely as possible and return home - hopefully to never leave again. I think I feel his frustration and sadness. And I'm consumed.

I don't feel well. And when I read about my symptoms, they can be related to stress and I've no doubt that they are. I don't feel well physically or mentally. I'm agonizing about something that can't be helped by agonizing.

And with all this I can't imagine what it must feel like to his wife, his kids, him. It's just too hard.

He shouldn't have to do another year away from home. He's done three tours already - all shorter but all too long. Four is too much to ask of anybody.

But most of all I just need him to be in a safe place. I need to not open my web browser every morning praying that no one has been killed over there. I need to never start to worry because I haven't heard from him for too long when it's probably just a service glitch in that backwards place.

But I still can't shake this despair. Maybe once he's there and I can starting counting the days until my firstborn Army son get's back, it'll get better. I hope so.

Because right now I'm too indescribably sad.

Kisses

I wanted to join Beth's You Capture last week but too many things stood in the way.

One - We're in Colorado Springs visiting Firstborn Army Guy and his family in anticipation of his deployment to the Middle East next month.

Second - When we're out here, time seems so short; and when time seems short, time flies.

Third - My heart just wasn't in it. The kisses that I photographed were too poignant and hit too close to home to publish.

When his little, three-year-old darling ran to him when he got home from work, squealing, "DADDY!". I couldn't help but think about what she couldn't know. In a few weeks, Daddy wouldn't be coming home from work every day. In fact, it would be about a year before she'd leap into his arms and in that year she'd change a lot and grow a lot and despite her mom's best efforts with movies and photos, Dad will miss a big part of his little girl's life.

And then there was the 'sweetheart' kiss. The kiss where they both knew, with painful clarity that in a few short weeks, there wouldn't be any kisses. There would be a long, lonely stretch of worry and stress for both of them.

They kissed in front of a renovation that is targeted to be completed before the deployment. And this is where they pour their efforts and time prior to that difficult day. And perhaps that's a good thing. A distraction that promises great rewards that they'll both look forward to enjoying a little over a year from now.

Those are the kisses. And the reasons why, although they're sweet and beautiful, they're painful.

What It Does To You When Life Throws You A Curve

As I discussed in my last post, we lost my dad this week. It was as unexpected as the death of a 95-year-old can be. He was a long way from 'in great health' but we thought he had at least a year or two left. (His dad lived to be 100.) Anyway, I called that 'Life Throwing Me A Curve". But life wasn't done throwing curves there.

After the funeral we had two cataclysmic, completely unexpected, defying all odds events that have left us all reeling. Beth briefly alluded to them here but felt she couldn't discuss them in detail. And I can't either. Just trust me when I say that it rocked our world and probably will for a long time. I'm sorry to be so obtuse but there's no choice. The reason I'm bringing it up at all is that I need some help.

One of my daughters today pointed out that when something happens that somehow you felt some immunity to, it leaves you feeling vulnerable to a lot of terrible things in life that you were hopeful couldn't or wouldn't touch you. And you feel uneasy all the time. The unexpected might be just around the corner after all.

So with one son in the middle of live-fire training out in the field for the entire week and the other son heading for a terrible place where the evil people there find increasingly cowardly ways to kill our sons, brothers, friends, etc. I'm looking for your prayers.

You can't beat the power of prayer and I'm asking for yours. Please pray for our boys and for all the boys in dangerous situations even when they're not deployed. Please help make this uneasy feeling go safely away not just for me but for all the moms, wives, sisters, and girlfriends of these brave guys.