Yesterday I Put On My Big Girl Pants

Yesterday, I did two things that should help me move into a better frame of mind.

The first thing I did, was get my teeth cleaned. Okay, don't jump to conclusions. I get my teeth cleaned regularly.....now. But I didn't always. Back in the day, a trip to the dentist meant a toothache that even a mouthful of whiskey couldn't relieve and it always resulted in an extraction. There were no regular trips for cleaning and check-ups because we just didn't have the money for such extravagances. Maybe that's why I've always had such an aversion to the dentist.

Finally, years ago, I resolved that problem by paying for nitrous oxide (laughing gas, sweet air, i.e. euphoria) at every appointment. No, I'm not out there looking for a high (but I didn't mind getting one), and if it meant I could soldier through the dreaded dental appointment...well, I just did what I had to do.

Yesterday I got my teeth cleaned without a high! Wow! Go me! And, it wasn't bad at all. In fact, on some level it was less stressful than the usual nitrous visit, not to mention that I came away $56 richer.

The second thing I finally did was go to the Post Office where I used to work. I haven't been back since the day I walked out the door on sick leave - I had injured my back - at work - but never claimed it as a work-related injury because I was too sick of dealing with the insults and intimidation that resulted from any kind of claim against the Post Office.

When I left that day, I didn't know that the doctor would order me off work for thirty days, but when he did, I set the retirement wheels in motion. By the end of the month I was out of there permanently; and, just in time, because I honestly didn't think I could stand another day there. I wrote about my experiences a little bit here and in reading it over, I'm not surprised to see that I was relieved that I'd never have to walk into that place again.

But, for a year and a half I've allowed part of that job to hang over my head while I dreaded the trip back that I'd have to make. You see I had really good uniforms, coats, sweaters and wind breakers that I knew someone could make good use of if I'd just take them in. Not only was it a waste to have them here but they took up valuable space.

Yesterday, after my momentous trip to the dentist, I went to the post office and dropped off the clothes. What a relief! All the reminders are gone - except for that welcome little retirement check that I get every month - and I've made a big step forward.

I just can't believe I let it hang over me for so long.

Just like the teeth cleaning without nitrous, sometimes the dreading is much worse than the actual doing.

He's Leaving Soon - Part 2

On March 17th of last year, I wrote this post where I described how it felt to have my firstborn Army son on the brink of a long deployment in an unfriendly country. Just now, my mood should be lifting. Things should be starting to feel better because we're within a couple of months of that deployment ending and he'll be returning to his home and mostly importantly his family.

But my mood remains somber. My mind stays unfocused and unmotivated because once again a sad pall blankets every waking moment because now, second born (by ten minutes) Army son is about to begin a long deployment in an even more unfriendly land.

Being a parent is a surprising journey and, where we're at at my age, looks a lot different than where our parents appeared to be at this age. We hear about clingy parents and we try not to be them. But here's how the world turns. We love and need these kids just as much as we did when they were twelve. But, they move on and they cling to their wives and their children and the lives that they've built for themselves. They love us, they do wonderful things for us, and they're the best kids anybody could ask for, but their focuses change. And that's how we want it.

We aren't foolish enough to wish to keep our kids by our sides for the rest of our lives because what we want for them doesn't involve us. We want their happiness and we're glad when they have beautiful, loving wives and children that they love and are proud of. If all our children are truly happy, then nothing can shake our happiness. There's nothing we want more.

And maybe that's why these deployments are so hard for me. I'm heartbroken when I think of either of my sons away from his family and the home life that he loves so much. I'm comforted knowing that he's playing a vital role in our nation's security and I really do feel better knowing that he appreciates how important it is that he does what he does. But in my heart of hearts, I want my sons in a safe and happy place. And I want their wives happy and unworried and not frazzled by the overwhelming responsibility of running households by themselves. And most of all, I want my grandchildren to see their daddies everyday. I want my sons there to guide them, care for them, and be closely involved in their lives.

But just like in many situations in life, when your sons are in the military, you don't always get what you want. So your heart hurts when they have to be away.

And then, you get the worry. I'm not foolish enough to think that anyone is 100% safe anywhere. But I know there aren't many more dangerous situations than those where there's a cash reward for taking my son's life. The fear becomes a way of life for me. I'm sure I need more faith and maybe these deployments will help me find that, but right now, I worry.

And right now, life isn't the way it should be. Right now, I'm unmotivated, unhappy, and unfocused. Everything that's usually important is cloaked in shades of gray. All the activities that typically fuel my life have become unimportant. I can't shake the melancholy and for weeks I've blamed it on the weather, my recent illness, and maybe just laziness but I finally have to acknowledge that the cloud hanging over my life is yet another deployment.

And that's why, once again, I'm so indescribably sad.

Happy 2nd Birthday, Jack!

Two years ago today, our first great grandson, Jack, was born in Garden City, Michigan. Because of a dream his great grandfather had prior to that day, we referred to him as Superbaby. I wrote about him on his first birthday here.

Last night, with his mother's help, I interviewed him. You may not think a two-year-old has many important things to say, but you'd be wrong. Here's what Jack shared last night.

What's your favorite animal?

A cow.

Why?

I like it. Because!

What color do you like best?

Blue.

What toy do you like best?

My car...and my truck....and my choo choo train....and my puzzle...and my book...and the TV.

(He never mentioned a Jack In The Box)

What TV show do you like?

Cailou.

Did you go to the doctor today? (Jack has a rash - a reaction to the antibiotic he's taking)

Yeah

What did the doctor say?

He repeated back, "What did the lady say?"

When pressed for an answer, he resorted to his signature reaction in uncomfortable situations. He rolled his eyes - twice.

What food do you like?

Chips

What else?

Grilled cheese...and chocolate milk.....and jello.

What song do you like?

He answered by belting out, DJ, Turn it UP Up Up (from the song We Are Who We Are)

He also likes Poker Face by Lady GaGa.

And here's a little more about Jack. He had a baby brother in August.

Night before last he had trouble sleeping. When his mom when into his room, he asked where Ethan was and then where Mary was. Ethan and Mary are his cousins from Louisville that he very seldom sees but who he just spent a week with at the Christmas house. When his mom told him that they were home sleeping, he asked where Ryan was. Ryan is his 18-year-old cousin from Waverly, Nebraska. Jack is definitely a thinker.

We should also note that he adores his young Aunt Jenna and Uncle Jeremy.

So, Happy Birthday, Jack. We're wishing you a year full of growth, adventures, and fun.

Happy 13th Birthday, David

Last year on this date I wrote this post in honor of our 7th grandchild's twelfth birthday.

Today he is 13 years old and we're wishing him the happiest birthday ever.

Last night I called David and 'interviewed' him. Consequently, here's a little insight into what he's all about.

Are you excited that you're turning 13 tomorrow?

Yes

Why?

That means I'll be out of the preteens and become a teenager.

What will you miss about being 12?

Having less homework.

What sports do you play and which is your favorite?

I play basketball, volleyball, and I swim.

(Interviewer's Note: I have pictures of David playing soccer, football and baseball; but none of him playing basketball, volleyball, or swimming.)

Which is your favorite and why?

My favorite sport is definitely basketball because in running up and down the court you get really physically fit and I just really like the game.

What do you like best about Boy Scouts?

I like the projects but most of all, I like the camping trips.

Do you have regular chores?

Sometimes I help with Zachary (his 2-year-old brother) and sometimes I empty the litter box but mostly I only do these on weekends because I don't have any time during the week.

When you do have downtime, what's your favorite leisure activity?

Playing Halo with my brother, Matthew.

Do you still work on your website?

I do but mostly now we do videos for You Tube. ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJK4F7UrTEs&feature=autofb )

What's your favorite subject in school?

Science

If you had to choose right now what you want to be when you grow up, what would it be?

An Air Force fighter pilot.

You've lived in and visited lots of different parts of the country. Which is your favorite?

Ft. Benning Georgia because I had lots of friends and we had a big playground behind our house. Grant and Evan (cousins) lived on the other side of the playground and we played together all the time.

What else can you tell me about yourself?

I go to Lake Braddock school and I'm a Patrol Leader in Boy Scouts which is kind of a big deal.

And where are you going for your birthday dinner tomorrow night.

We're going to Outback.

And here's another interesting fact about David. He loves the Colts!

But the very most interesting facts about David include his maturity, kindness, and awesomeness. We're incredibly proud of him and grateful to have him for a grandson.

Happy Birthday, David. Here's hoping it's a stellar year!

'Favorites - 2010' Addendum

Is it too late to add these to my list of favorites?

Of course it isn't. I guess I'm feeling all empowered because I'm so flattered to be 'pointed to' by Toadmama in her post Sharing the Love. She's one of the most talented and knowledgeable bloggers that I know of and I'm so flattered to be mentioned in her blog.

Anyway, I know it's too late to link these up for Beth's You Capture BUT just in case she does 'Ten Favorites of the Past Decade", I'll always have them here for handy reference.

You can never be too prepared right?

In One Short Week

We all know how fast babies change especially when we're not looking. That's what happened during our Christmas week. Of course we were looking but some of us (me) were too sick to pay enough attention.

We started the week with the posse of the future. Zachary, 2 1/2; Jack almost 2; Trey, just turned 1; Eli, 9 months; and Dane, 4 months. Can you imagine 5 little boys under 2 1/2? Of course, Zach and Jack were busy boys doing everything little boys do, but the three younger ones were in different stages of development.

Trey crawled all over the place and walked along furniture. Eli sat on the floor and played happily, occasionally scooting to where he needed to be. And Dane rolled around like it was his job. The only thing challenging about it for him was that he wasn't a big fan of tummy time and sometimes had to figure out how to return to his back and the position that he preferred.

By the time the week was over, this boy had walked eleven steps without holding onto anything:

And this boy had crawled perfectly halfway across the living room:

And this boy had figured out that tummy time wasn't half bad if he propped himself up on his elbows where he could watch the world go by:

Now I just have one question. If these little boys can change this much in one week, what is Christmas week going to be like a year from now?

I can hardly wait to find out.

You Capture - Ten Favorites

Beth's You Capture assignment this week was to pick ten of our favorite photos from 2010. Of course that's quite impossible because some of us took way too many pictures in the past year and there just aren't enough hours in the week to browse through all of them. And then, some of us are poor decision makers (me) and we get mixed up between great photos and favorite photos and then we start looking for great ones and there aren't many (any). Then finally we settle for a few of our very favorites. Maybe a couple more than ten.

In no particular order, here are my favorites.

For more favorites from 2010, visit Beth at Ishouldbefoldinglaundry and maybe browse through your favorites and post them.